The human body has a few unneeded parts that have degenerated to the point that they don’t serve the function they used to. The stupidity gland is on top of the list. We don’t really need a yellow little bag filled with a thick yellowish stupidizing fluid that leaks into our brain when we act stupid, do we?

kissWhen I was 18 I met a guy at the spring campus party and we fell in love at first sight. That weekend my parents were off and my brothers were camping with friends. Given the situation, I had this brilliant idea: asking my crush to come to my house for a private party.

He didn’t hesitate a second and rushed to my place and as soon as he arrived, we hopped onto the couch, infected with torrid passion.

vintage-police-department-2560x1600All of a sudden we heard that someone was trying to unbolt the front door. I jumped on the floor in a panic. I didn’t expect anyone. We rushed to the hall, both naked. The door was half-opened. Someone was pushing it and trying to spring the lock. My stupidity gland started working at full speed and I shouted in terror: “Thieves!!!”

I phoned the police. “Help, please help me, two burglars are breaking into my house!!!”. The operator asked for the address and two minutes later the cops stopped by the door. Outside the house I could hear the voices of two guys rushing downstairs. Strangely familiar voices.

chickenStill naked, I ran to the balcony, waved my arms theatrically and shouted “Thieves! They’re going downstairs, catch them!!!” Big Crush was utterly embarrassed at my histrionic performance and got dressed discreetly.

Still waving at the policemen, the thieves happened to be my two brothers that had returned unexpectedly from their short camping trip. They looked up in total amazement. My star appearance at the balcony had left them speechless. “Get dressed, silly!!!”-they shouted- A few people gathered in the street to watch the scene. Some passersby applauded. I was so ashamed I could have died on the spot.

I covered my body with a towel, used my best convincing skills to explain the cops that it had been an unfortunate misunderstanding caused by irrational panic and persuaded my bros that I was having a shower when Big Crush unexpectedly called in to say hello and oops! the towel fell on the floor. You know the rest.


Looby, in South Sandwich we also have loose sexy hats.

In the meantime, Big Crush had silently cleared off. I neither saw him nor heard from him again. What a lousy chicken!

So tell me darlings, has your stupidity gland ever worked as hard as mine? Have you ever lived a “most embarrassing moment”?Let me pour you a glass of Moonshine, make yourself at home and confess. I’m all ears.



  1. I think you are much better off without Big Crush – he did nothing to protect your honour. I am quite disgusted with him. At least you show a startling amount of imagination along with everything else.

    • To be honest, sweetheart, I expected him to protect me from the supposed thieves but he ran away instead. In my life I’ve always needed a spunky guy, not a lousy chicken.

      So Big Crush was son replaced by Big Crush II, III, IV… *sighs* Anyway, romantic failures show how imperfect men and women are and I am anything but perfect. I wish you better luck before you reach my age!

  2. Oh dear… it never does to appear naked in front of siblings and the law.

    I am very grateful to you for the hat picture, but your specific example there looks a bit… stiff. There’s a good time and a place for stiffness, of course.

    • Indeed, Looby! That was very embarrassing, we were not kids anymore and I guess brothers don’t like to see what their younger sisters do when there’s nobody in the house. Anyway, we never mentioned this deplorable incident and that was very reassuring.

      Oh, is my loose pamela hat too stiff for your taste? No worries dear, I have a huge hat cabinet. I’ll find something more suitable to the occasion. 😉

    • I couldn’t agree more with you, LX!
      His behaviour was pathetic. Nevertheless, not all was lost: He was immediately dismissed and replaced. There were (are) plenty of fish in the sea!

  3. Big Puss sounds more like it to me dear lady. Sadly, there are many men who like to think they can walk the walk, but when it comes down to it they are merely sorry bags of wind, floating ever upwards on a cowardly gust of hot air. Fortunately, I have never had a single embarrassing moment involving the gendarmes, nakedness or siblings… as yet!

    • Welcome to my humble home, dear Chef. You sound as wise as an owl. Experience confirms your point: that happens to women as well (though we were named “the weaker sex” not so long ago). But I bet you belong to the type that walk the walk and talk the talk.

      I’m glad to know that you have never had a most embarrassing moment. That means you’re an upright gentleman as well. 🙂

      • I like to think that I am of erect and stiff character when it comes to treating a lady with the respect that is always due. I belong to a tribe of old school gentlemen, we lay down our coats, open doors and extend flowers as mere tokens of our hearts. Perhaps, not endowed with the wisdom of the owl, but more the experience of a hungry magpie, the wonderfully reassuring open wings of a hunting falcon. I have a unequalled predilection for always eating my prey.

A penny for your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s