037_carmen_dell_orefice_theredlistMy third husband, the late Mr Yaya, adored borsalino hats. He said I looked like a gangster lady and he found it very sexy. I was young, very much in love and eager to please him, so I immediately rushed to this department store to buy myself one.

There were hundreds of them in all colours, stored on shelves but I chose a beautiful black one made of fine fur felt. I tried it and I felt like a queen.

I looked both sides looking for a shop assistant to pay for the hat, but there were none around. I waited ten minutes beside the cash register, just in case the store clerk was having a statutory tea break. I didn’t want to interrupt that private moment.

TEATIME2But nobody would show up. My legs started hurting after 20 minutes standing. A salesperson happened to pass by just then.

–          Good morning, I’d like to buy this hat –I said-

–          Sorry, this is not my department –was the answer I got-.

THIEFI had had enough waiting. I put the hat on, walked bound and determined to the exit and walked back home feeling very happy. And this is how I became a thief for the first time in my life.

So kids… now that we’re getting to know each other, I’d like to ask you one question to know a bit more about you. May I? Yes, of course.

Have you ever stolen anything? You know what I mean, not a pen from work.

And if so… what happened afterwards? Did you feel good or bad?

I’m all ears…



17 thoughts on “QUID PRO QUO

  1. Nice hat and story. You wear it well.

    A long time ago I lived in an apartment and went for a walk. When I returned I discovered that the carpet cleaning service people had stolen a few dollars from my pants pocket. I went to their equipment van while they were cleaning another apartment and removed two 50ft (15m) power cords and hid them in the shrubs. The next day I retrieved the power cords and used them for years of various household projects.

  2. *falls off her chair laughing*

    LX, It takes a thief to catch a thief. This is a genuine theft, indeed! But I second you: those evil carpet cleaners deserved it!

    I take my hat off to you! 🙂

    PS.- How much of that power cord is still left?

  3. I’m afraid I have a magpie’s eye for the unattended article, so the answer is yes, many times.

    XL–what an excellent revenge. To cause them inconvenience and expense is more satisfying than a simple balance sheet equality.

    • Could be a good nickname for a baby gangster, Looby 😉

      Leni often talks like that just to tease me (‘That were proper good innit sis!’). She’s a nice kid but a bit naughty. I may have to send her over to you, so that you teach her good manners and a bit of Lanky (her accent is contaminated by loads of Connetticuteries, Wisconsinities, Mississippitties and other idiomatic impurities unrelated to the Burdish Islands). Youngsters…

  4. I have done a bit of stealing too, Yaya. As a revenge, of course. When I was working at the Dumbass Industries, Big Cheese used to receive hundreds of Xmas presents. I mastered excellently the fine art of stealing bottles of wine, salmon, chocolate fortune cookies, candy and even a lobster.

  5. Yes Yaya. The rest of the year I would steal corporate gifts: pens, flash drives, clocks, watches, keyrings, boormarks, mirrors, memo books, jewelry boxes, lighters, cufflinks, torches, card holders, stationery sets, letter openers, yoyos, folders, wallets, paper clips, bookmarks, photoframes, tie pins…

    • Welcome Cool Joe! Come in and pour yourself a glass of moonshine, dear. So you’re a good guy, right? Well, there’s a cure for that illness, honey. Join the gang and enjoy yourself! 🙂

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