QUID PRO QUO

037_carmen_dell_orefice_theredlistMy third husband, the late Mr Yaya, adored borsalino hats. He said I looked like a gangster lady and he found it very sexy. I was young, very much in love and eager to please him, so I immediately rushed to this department store to buy myself one.

There were hundreds of them in all colours, stored on shelves but I chose a beautiful black one made of fine fur felt. I tried it and I felt like a queen.

I looked both sides looking for a shop assistant to pay for the hat, but there were none around. I waited ten minutes beside the cash register, just in case the store clerk was having a statutory tea break. I didn’t want to interrupt that private moment.

TEATIME2But nobody would show up. My legs started hurting after 20 minutes standing. A salesperson happened to pass by just then.

–          Good morning, I’d like to buy this hat –I said-

–          Sorry, this is not my department –was the answer I got-.

THIEFI had had enough waiting. I put the hat on, walked bound and determined to the exit and walked back home feeling very happy. And this is how I became a thief for the first time in my life.

So kids… now that we’re getting to know each other, I’d like to ask you one question to know a bit more about you. May I? Yes, of course.

Have you ever stolen anything? You know what I mean, not a pen from work.

And if so… what happened afterwards? Did you feel good or bad?

I’m all ears…

FIRMA YAYA

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17 thoughts on “QUID PRO QUO

  1. Nice hat and story. You wear it well.

    A long time ago I lived in an apartment and went for a walk. When I returned I discovered that the carpet cleaning service people had stolen a few dollars from my pants pocket. I went to their equipment van while they were cleaning another apartment and removed two 50ft (15m) power cords and hid them in the shrubs. The next day I retrieved the power cords and used them for years of various household projects.

  2. *falls off her chair laughing*

    LX, It takes a thief to catch a thief. This is a genuine theft, indeed! But I second you: those evil carpet cleaners deserved it!

    I take my hat off to you! 🙂

    PS.- How much of that power cord is still left?

  3. I’m afraid I have a magpie’s eye for the unattended article, so the answer is yes, many times.

    XL–what an excellent revenge. To cause them inconvenience and expense is more satisfying than a simple balance sheet equality.

    • Could be a good nickname for a baby gangster, Looby 😉

      Leni often talks like that just to tease me (‘That were proper good innit sis!’). She’s a nice kid but a bit naughty. I may have to send her over to you, so that you teach her good manners and a bit of Lanky (her accent is contaminated by loads of Connetticuteries, Wisconsinities, Mississippitties and other idiomatic impurities unrelated to the Burdish Islands). Youngsters…

  4. I have done a bit of stealing too, Yaya. As a revenge, of course. When I was working at the Dumbass Industries, Big Cheese used to receive hundreds of Xmas presents. I mastered excellently the fine art of stealing bottles of wine, salmon, chocolate fortune cookies, candy and even a lobster.

  5. Yes Yaya. The rest of the year I would steal corporate gifts: pens, flash drives, clocks, watches, keyrings, boormarks, mirrors, memo books, jewelry boxes, lighters, cufflinks, torches, card holders, stationery sets, letter openers, yoyos, folders, wallets, paper clips, bookmarks, photoframes, tie pins…

    • Welcome Cool Joe! Come in and pour yourself a glass of moonshine, dear. So you’re a good guy, right? Well, there’s a cure for that illness, honey. Join the gang and enjoy yourself! 🙂

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